Tag Archive for: self-compassion

10 Lasting Ways to Recharge as a Parent of a Child with Autism

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A Parent’s Perspective: The Importance of Self-Care (not Self-Comfort) 

Self-care has gotten a bad rap in recent years. I think it’s because there’s a focus on pampering yourself with bubble baths and pedicures that simply isn’t, nor can it be, the reality for many people. Those self-indulgent activities don’t care for you in a deep and lasting way. They comfort you in the moment. Self-care is a small but steady investment in yourself that allows you to recharge. 

As parents of children with special needs, finding ways to practice good self-care is challenging. Our children demand so much from us. Yet, for us to be able to continue to provide them all they need, we must find ways to practice the type of ongoing self-care that sustains us. 

self-care

There is a Difference Between Self-Care and Self-Comfort

Self-care is not a selfish act but a crucial component of being an effective parent and caregiver. Chose to care for yourself in a way that sustains you over the long-run and doesn’t just comfort you in the moment. By incorporating any one of these practices into your life, you will not only recharge and maintain your well-being but also create a positive and nurturing environment for both yourself and your child with autism. 

It’s essential to remember that taking care of yourself is not a luxury but a necessity. Prioritizing self-care can help you recharge, maintain your well-being, and be the best caregiver possible. This blog post offers ten ways to practice self-care as a parent of a child with autism: 

1. Establish a Routine

Create a dedicated time in your daily or weekly routine for self-care. Having a routine may be enjoying a cup of coffee in silence before your child wakes up, taking a brisk walk after your child leaves for school, or intentionally using a slice of time in your schedule to do something that you need to do or enjoy doing. Save those parts of your day for yourself. Knowing you have designated self-care time can help you stick to it and ensure you get the recharge you need.

2. Regular Exercise

Incorporating physical activity into your routine may be a powerful stress reliever. It doesn’t have to be intense and it doesn’t have to take long—simple activities like walking, yoga, or stretching can make a significant difference in your overall well-being. But if you are the type of person who benefits from a hard-core workout that makes you sweat, practice yours regularly and don’t feel guilty about it, knowing it is an investment in your physical, mental, and emotional self that will go a long way in helping you take care of your child. 

3. Mindfulness and Relaxation

Practicing mindfulness or meditation techniques may bring mental clarity and relaxation. Even just 5-10 minutes a day focusing on your breath and choosing what you think about can have a profound impact on your stress levels. You may have a hard time slowing down enough to meditate. Instead of meditation, which is emptying your mind, try mindfulness that fills your mind with things that are good, right, and true. 

4. Connect with Others

Schedule regular social time, even if it’s just a phone call or a quick coffee with a friend. Social media does not count. It can actually be counterproductive to self-care. You need a real person who has a positive, uplifting presence in your life. Connecting with others who understand your challenges, even if they don’t have a child with autism, can be therapeutic and provide a much-needed support system.

5. Hobbies and Interests

Rediscover or explore hobbies that bring you joy and fulfillment. Whether it’s reading, painting, gardening, or any other activity, having a personal interest can provide a much-needed escape and recharge your energy. This suggestion requires more intentionality and time, but even while raising a child with autism, it can be done. Choosing what you love to do probably isn’t the hard part; finding the time to do it is. Break it into manageable steps. It’s okay if you dedicate short bursts of time to what you love doing because, remember, self-care is a small and steady investment in yourself.  

6. Respite Care

Utilize respite care services or a babysitter to give yourself a break. This request for help is one of the biggest struggles for us as parents. It’s hard to find someone we trust to care of our child and all of their unique needs. But it is possible! In the last blog, 5 New Year’s Resolutions for Parents of Children with Autism, one of the suggestions is to seek and accept help. Having time away, even for a couple of hours, can help you recharge and regain your energy, allowing you to return to your caregiving role with renewed strength. Respite often requires extra financial resources, but may be worth it because it’s an investment in you and your child. 

7. Professional Support

Consider seeking professional help through therapy or counseling. Having a supportive therapist to talk to can provide valuable insights, guidance, and emotional support as you navigate the challenges of caregiving. If you are having a hard time finding a professional counselor, you may want to start by talking to the social worker at your child’s doctor’s office. Regardless of what type of professional you talk to, having a non-judgmental person to listen can be healing and helpful. 

Another form of support is support groups. Finding a support group specifically tailored for parents of children with autism may be good self-care. Connecting with others who share similar experiences can provide a sense of community, understanding, and valuable insights into navigating the challenges you may face.

8. Set Boundaries

Learn to say no when needed and establish boundaries for your well-being and try not to feel guilty. Most people establish boundaries pretty easily (or think they do), but in a moment of pressure, they let their boundaries down because of guilt. 

It’s important to prioritize your own needs and avoid overextending yourself, both physically and emotionally. This means it’s okay to not volunteer in your child’s classroom or not go to your parent’s house for dinner every Sunday night. You know what you need. No one else does, so only you are the one who can say no when you need to. 

9. Quality Sleep

Prioritize getting enough sleep for optimal functioning. This is especially difficult for many parents of children with autism who don’t sleep well. You may not be able to get a solid eight hours every night, but do you have ten minutes to power nap each afternoon when your child is at school? Or, can you go to bed as soon as your child does and leave all that you could be doing until the next day? Knowing lack of sleep can significantly impact your ability to cope with stress and effectively care for your child, establish a bedtime routine and create a conducive sleep environment to ensure a restful night’s sleep. You may not always get a good night’s sleep, but set yourself up well so that when it does happen, you wake up feeling fully refreshed. 

10. Find a Trusted ABA Provider

Finding the autism support your child needs is also a form of self-care. You can’t do it all alone. You need the help and support of trusted professionals. At ABA Connect, dedicated therapists understand the challenges you and your child face. Our therapists develop treatment plans to target your child’s greatest challenges, but they are also there to listen to the struggles you face and find ways to help you overcome them. 

Remember, you deserve care and support, too. Take the necessary steps to prioritize self-care and seek assistance when needed. You are doing an incredible job, and we are here to support you every step of the way.

So, which self-care technique do you plan to implement for yourself?

We’d love to hear from you in the comments below. If you found this post helpful, please feel free to like, share, and follow us for more insightful content on autism and ABA therapy.

If a positive, play-based approach to ABA appeals to you, we invite you to reach out to ABA Connect. The friendly team at ABA Connect is always ready to help answer your questions.

Disclaimer: While I am a consultant writing on behalf of ABA Connect, my child is not a current client. The views and experiences shared in this blog post are entirely from a parent’s perspective. My goal is to provide informative content and insights based on my personal experiences, as well as interviews conducted with the staff at ABA Connect.

Note: The information provided in this article is for general guidance and does not replace professional advice. Please consult with a healthcare professional or therapist for personalized guidance.

5 New Year’s Resolutions for Parents of Children with Autism

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A Parent’s Perspective: Reflecting on special needs parenting and looking toward the new year

For many of us raising children with autism, our goals for the new year may differ greatly from our parenting peers. Losing 10 pounds or striving for a promotion at work likely isn’t our primary focus. Even simple resolutions, such as timely birthday cards or daily flossing, may not align with our journey. It’s not that healthy habits and new challenges aren’t important to us; it’s simply that everything in our world is overshadowed by autism.

Autism parenting can be all-consuming at times. As the world reflects on 2023 and anticipates what 2024 will bring, we may feel weary. We understand that we have little control over our child’s day-to-day struggles, so we approach the new year with caution and a lot of ABA therapy! 

Just because our lives differ from those of our friends and family does not mean we shouldn’t engage in reflection and goal-setting. However, it’s crucial to do so with an appropriate mindset — one of self-compassion and realistic expectations for both ourselves and our child. This blog post aims to guide you in looking back and ahead with hope.

new years autism parenting

New Year’s Reflection Questions: Looking Back on the Wins and Losses of the Past Year

Each year, my inbox overflows with New Year’s reflection guides—most likely due to the number of self-help gurus I follow. I appreciate their willingness to provide a list of guided questions to help me reflect on the past year’s highs and lows. Honestly, without a little nudge, I might not take the time to look back.

As parents of children with autism, we constantly juggle tasks, manage schedules, put out fires, constantly redirect our children, and are always trying to think ahead. So, I’m offering you three simple reflection questions this year. I’ve found them incredibly useful, not just during the holidays but in any period of change or transition.

1. What Achievements Can You Celebrate?

Identify the wins from the past year, no matter how small. This question prompts you to recall the successes you and your child experienced. Sometimes we are so immersed in the day-to-day tasks that we miss the growth happening before us. 

Maybe you found a routine that brought joy or peace to your child, or a new therapist that worked wonders. Every little milestone your child meets should not be overlooked or taken for granted. 

2. What Were Your Biggest Challenges and Low Points?

Acknowledging the difficulties can be challenging, but it’s essential to identify them in order to learn from them. This question also allows you to see patterns that may have emerged throughout the year. 

Did your child struggle with a certain skill or behavior consistently? Did you find yourself feeling burnt out or struggling with self-care? It’s useful to know what didn’t work so that you can learn from these experiences and make necessary changes. 

3. What Do You Want to Carry Forward into the New Year?

As we usher in the new year, it’s not just about letting go but also recognizing what we want to keep. What are the things that bring you comfort or joy that you want to consciously carry into the new year? It could be as simple as your daily cup of coffee. (Me!) Recognizing these elements will help you maintain a sense of continuity and stability through the changing times.

Typically, I am somewhat unsure about what to do with my reflections from past years. However, I have developed a practice of jotting them down in my journal. As I flip through the pages over the course of the year, these reflections serve as powerful reminders of my journey, as well as that of my child. 

It’s important to remember that as much as we might wish for stability, change is a constant part of life. Having a record of the triumphs, the setbacks, and the non-negotiables provides a sense of grounding for me. It is my hope that adopting such a practice could offer the same benefit to you.

Charting a Path Forward: Five Possible New Year’s Resolutions for Parents of Children with Autism

As we enter the new year, let’s explore five potential New Year’s resolutions that can empower parents of children with autism. These New Year’s resolutions are designed to foster a nurturing and growth-oriented approach for both you and your child without being too overly ambitious.

1. Seek and Accept Help

Before you dismiss this idea, know that I empathize with your struggle. Finding help for a child who perceives and interacts with the world differently is challenging. It can be incredibly hard to secure the respite care needed. There have been seasons in my life when I juggled work, caring for my son with autism, managing his medical procedures, and striving to provide a somewhat normal teenage experience for my other child. It’s a hefty load. Caregivers aren’t always available, and even if they were, affording their services on top of other therapies can be daunting.

This new year, I challenge you to explore local resources and non-profits that may offer support. If your child is enrolled in Early Childhood Intervention (ECI), there may be funds available to help pay for a babysitter—allowing you to run errands or enjoy some leisure time with a friend. Many local churches provide a babysitting night out for parents of children with special needs.

Assistance doesn’t always have to be in the form of childcare. If your neighbor offers to mow your lawn or a friend wants to deliver lasagna, accept the help with open arms! Make a conscious decision to say ‘yes’ when help presents itself.

2. Reconnect with Your Passions and Loved Ones

Parents of special needs children often sideline their own desires and needs, and understandably so. If your child has autism, their needs can be extensive. However, this doesn’t mean you should cease nurturing your own interests and relationships.

Consider rekindling connections with someone special in your life, perhaps an old friend you haven’t had the opportunity to catch up with in a while. I do acknowledge there can be an emotional toll in maintaining connections with friends from our previous lives, primarily when these relationships incite feelings of comparison. If this resonates with you, perhaps it’s time to cultivate bonds with individuals who share similar life experiences.

One effective way I’ve found to build relationships is through shared hobbies, whether it’s a book club or hiking. Support groups can also be immensely helpful for parents of children with autism. Although not everyone you meet will become your best friend, you’re likely to find common ground that’s beneficial for your current situation. Remember, this journey is yours, and nurturing your interests and relationships can provide much-needed balance and support.

3. Choose a Sustainable Self-Care or Self-Compassion Focus

Commit to an ongoing and sustainable self-care activity. The very mention of this might stir up some strong emotions, as it certainly did for me over the years. An initial reaction might be to dismiss the idea, thinking that a pedicure or a bubble bath aren’t going to solve the problems at hand. It’s true, they won’t. However, understanding the difference between self-care and self-compassion can redefine this perspective.

Self-care can often be an indulgent and temporary escape, while self-compassion is a lasting, ongoing investment. A sustainable self-compassion activity can replenish your energy reservoirs, enabling you to continue on this challenging journey of parenting a child with autism with resilience. You won’t regret making such an investment.

For instance, my personal self-care ritual involves reading a good book at the end of the day, allowing me to wind down and transition to sleep. I also find it helpful to walk the dog every morning, which gets me out of the house and gives me a little more perspective on my day.

4. Evaluate Your Child’s Therapy and School Setting

It’s easy to put school and therapy routines on autopilot, but it’s beneficial to take a closer look at your child’s IEP and therapy goals. Perhaps everything is going well and there’s no need for change. However, this might be the year for big changes.

Every year, for my child’s annual ARD, I write a parent report—a simple one-page document that highlights what’s working well and what’s not. It’s akin to the reflection questions posed at the start of this blog. I also detail his strengths and interests, as well as my aspirations for him in the coming school year. Why not do the same for your child at the beginning of the year? And if there are challenges you want to address in the coming year, brainstorm some action items on how to tackle those too.

The same principle applies to therapy. Do you need to take a break from therapy or add a new type of therapy? If your child is enrolled in ABA, consider evaluating their treatment plan. Remember, you’re an integral part of your child’s team. If you are a client at ABA Connect, consider talking to your child’s BCBA about some of your goals for the coming year. Your child’s BCBA is sure to have some ideas for how to make progress—they’re here to support you on your journey.

If the list of things your child needs help with feels overwhelming, try focusing on one significant challenge to address. It could be the most pressing problem or the one you’re most likely able to solve. The point is to select an area that, when improved, will enhance not just your child’s life but yours too.

5. Embrace Acceptance: Acknowledging Your Child and Your Circumstances

Parenting a child with autism can be an isolating journey and certainly not one most people would consciously choose. The life you envisioned for your child may look starkly different now. As you navigate through this journey, you may grapple with accepting not only your child’s unique attributes but also the additional challenges that autism brings.

Achieving full acceptance of your circumstances may seem daunting, but it is entirely possible to accept your child for the wonderfully unique individual they are. If you’re not yet at this point, consider making this your resolution. 

And by all means, let go of any guilt or apology you may feel compelled to give for things beyond your control, such as your child’s behaviors. Embracing a mindset of surrender and acceptance could indeed be the most liberating approach to usher in the new year.

As parents of children with different needs, it’s not that we lack hopes and dreams for the year ahead. Rather, we are wary of having these aspirations shattered. We’ve learned to be pragmatic and tread carefully when the calendar flips.

So, now that you have some ideas, what will you plan to implement in the coming year?

We’d love to hear from you in the comments below. If you found this post helpful, please feel free to like, share, and follow us for more insightful content on autism and ABA therapy.

If a positive, play-based approach to ABA appeals to you, we invite you to reach out to ABA Connect. The friendly team at ABA Connect is always ready to help answer your questions.

Please keep in mind that while I am a consultant writing on behalf of ABA Connect, my child is not a current client. The views and experiences shared in this blog post are entirely from a parent’s perspective. My goal is to provide informative content and insights based on my personal experiences, as well as interviews conducted with the staff at ABA Connect.